House of Ainsley: Out-of-Character Discussion

Spirit of the Tiger wrote:

 Please watch responsibly because the power of her 16 inch guns has caused many a mere mortal to quake in fear.  

Truth.

It's a pity that these monsters are all mothballed. In the modern world of warfare, they would be wiped out rather quickly, but they are the ultimate epitome of gunboat diplomacy.

Nothing like putting a battleship and her escorts just off some rogue country's shores and waving at them. Kinda like saying; "G'morning Motherf**ker! Do you know what time it is?? That's right! Time to f**k all your s**t up!"

Hello again, mateys!  Well, the time has come: I and the other twenty-odd cadets who graduated with me on the 11th and came with me to Coffield Unit are finally done with OJT this week.  It could be as soon as tomorrow, or it could be later this week, but this is it.  I'll finally get off of this five on/two off nonsense and go to a regular four on/four off schedule.  Sure, the 12-hour workdays may be longer, but those four days off will be pretty sweet.  And considering that it's an hour of driving each way (an hour and 30 if I'm the carpool driver), working fewer days a week means less gas money and less wear and tear on my car.  In essence, I only have to work half a year, and that's not counting the comp time I rack up from working 48 hours a week.  

But with that said, may I also say that inmates can be the whiniest bitches on the planet?  I've had these freaking convicted felons give me attitude in the chow hall and refuse to sit where I tell them to sit because of a couple of cornbread crumbs on the seat!  And they'll split hairs over which inmate I was telling to change seats, or "Oh, I was already sitting" (like I care about that; pick your butt up and catch another chair, daggit...).  Bunch of whiny, self-entitled crybabies.  No wonder they turned to lives of crime after Mommy weaned their sorry butts and threw out their Playstations!  I hate chow hall duty.  Just assign me to the guard towers, where I can just stand around with my trusty AR-15 and wait for an inmate to climb the perimeter fence so I can shoot him in the balls.  

Also, I returned to Geek World today.  One of the proprietors who bought my old Magic: The Gathering collection informs me that they have sold almost all of the Magic cards that they bought from me, with the exception of my Underground Sea (which is selling for about $300 now, and they can't find a buyer who will meet that price) and whichever other dual lands the proprietor is using in his deck.  Apparently, the Colossus of Sardia is selling for peanuts; despite its power and its Trampley goodness, people don't like the mana cost and the cost to untap.  Morons.  Haven't they ever heard of Instill Energy?  

Anyway, if you have any dual lands from your old Magic collections and you need to make a car payment, consider selling them on eBay or whatnot.  And with that, I go to bed now.  If time permits, I'd like to get back on this campaign tomorrow; otherwise, it'll be later this week, after I get off of OJT.  Wish me luck.  

Luck!

And in the meantime, congrats on graduating.

I have only question I have on my mind when Ainsley talks about his new job. Which guard are you most like from The Shawshank Redemption?

GoldenDrakon wrote:

Luck!

And in the meantime, congrats on graduating.

Thank you.  

Spirit of the Tiger wrote:

I have only question I have on my mind when Ainsley talks about his new job.  Which guard are you most like from The Shawshank Redemption?  

None of them.  Those guys were all jerks.  

I like to think that I'm more like Paul Edgecomb from The Green Mile, minus the urinary tract problems.  

And is it just me, or is the space between these quote boxes and the typed text almost nothing these days?

The House of Ainsley wrote:

But with that said, may I also say that inmates can be the whiniest bitches on the planet?  I've had these freaking convicted felons give me attitude in the chow hall and refuse to sit where I tell them to sit because of a couple of cornbread crumbs on the seat!  And they'll split hairs over which inmate I was telling to change seats, or "Oh, I was already sitting" (like I care about that; pick your butt up and catch another chair, daggit...).  Bunch of whiny, self-entitled crybabies.  No wonder they turned to lives of crime after Mommy weaned their sorry butts and threw out their Playstations!  I hate chow hall duty.

This kinda of reminds me of my son who got in touble and got in school suspension (ISS) the other day.  He came home and complained how mean the teachers were to him during ISS.  I said to him, "No shit they were mean to you.  ISS isn't supposed to be a vacation.  You were put there because you got in trouble for mouthing off to your teacher.   Now shut up and take you punishement like a man."  

The House of Ainsley wrote:

Just assign me to the guard towers, where I can just stand around with my trusty AR-15 and wait for an inmate to climb the perimeter fence so I can shoot him in the balls.  

Instead of shooting them with your AR-15 wouldn't it be more fun just to watch them fry on the electric fence?  Or would that be too inhuman for the poor little inmates?

Nah, we don't have electric fences at our prisons.  Combined with all the fifty-billion floodlights that keep the prison grounds constantly lit with a gazillion candles of illumination, that would put our electric bill through the roof.  So it's all just ten- or twenty-foot-tall chain link with coils of razor wire along the top and along either side.  I kid you not, some of those inmates will climb through that razor wire and slice their arms to ribbons just to get out.  I wish I knew how many would-be escapees have been immediately recaptured (or just yanked off the fence before they can get over it) and hauled off to the infirmary to get emergency blood transfusions and a few thousand stitches.  I guess it never occurs to these idiots that, even if they do get over that fence without getting shot, their desperate grip on freedom will be very short-lived.  "Yes!  Yes!  I made it!  I'm a free man!  Now I just...oh, God.  Look at all this blood.  Why do I feel so cold?  Maybe I can just...."  *FLOP!!!*  

I actually got an inmate to apologize to me yesterday, though.  We had to take three of them out of Ad Seg (where the real bad boys get locked up until they're ready to behave themselves) down to Medical for psych evals and teleconference with the prison's psychiatrist, and I was paired up with a female guard to get these inmates ready to roll out.  Well, she was telling the inmates on 2 Row to get dressed, even though SOP says that they have to strip down and pass their clothes through the bean chute (the slot in the cell door where we pass their food trays and handcuff them before taking them out of their cell) for inspection first, and only a guard of the same sex as the offender can do that.  So I got done inspecting and prepping the inmate on 1 Row, climbed up to 2 Row and told the next inmate to pass his clothes through the bean chute.  He immediately got an attitude and started cussing me up one side and down the other, because my wingwoman had already told him to get out of bed and get dressed.  But I maintained my military bearing, considered the source, refrained from returning fire and just let it all bounce off of me like pebbles off an Abrams tank.  No way was I letting that prick get under my skin and make me lose my cool, and sure enough, I didn't.

So I got him and the other two inmates stripped and searched, and we led them down to Medical.  So then I got Cussy McCussmouth through his vital checks and down to the psych doc's office, and by then he was all apologetic.  "Hey, look, man.  I'm sorry for how I acted up there.  I know you're just doing your job, and I didn't mean what I said, and yadda yadda yadda...."  So I told him that I appreciated the apology and thanked him for it, since reinforcing positive change in the inmate's behavior is part of what we do.  He was down there because he was getting treated for bipolar disorder, so that explains a lot.

Anyway, Gustov.  Let me grab a blank paper character sheet and jot down what I have on him so far, then I'll feed you what I have and see if there's anything else that we need to sort out.  If not, we'll get started.  Karnoz has been hearing a lot of talk about the Imperial Civil War and how it ravaged his homeland (that being Karkova), so with Gustov we get to go back about four or five years before Karnoz's present point in time, and we get to watch some of that war unfold.  So, you know, get out there and ravage the living red hell out of Karkova, Gustov!  

Hang on while I find that character sheet....

Hello again, my friends.  Apologies all around for not being online very much but, to put none too fine a point on it, this job's ruining me.  Going four days of standing on my feet for 12 hours, going home, sleeping, getting up and going right back to work is taking their toll, the four days off are spent recovering from the four days on and catching up on all the things that I couldn't do during my four days on (like taking care of the chickens and collecting their eggs before the eggs pile up, break and make a big, filthy, stinky mess in the two nests (out of twelve) that the hens lay all their eggs in)...in short, it's a mess and I'm miserable.  It doesn't help that I work inside a 40-year-old prison which is every bit as depressing as it sounds.

But I've already taken steps to remedy the situation.  I've applied to go from full-time to part-time; that way, I'm only working two ten-hour days, they're always on Saturday and Sunday, I'm splitting my weekly commute time in half and I'm free to pick up another part-time job near my home.  That way, I can use my prison job for the benefits and for money to pay the bills, and I'll have the other job as a source of "me money" that I can spend on myself.  I'm already looking forward to it.

I'll try to get back on here Tuesday or Wednesday and catch up with Karnoz and Gustov.  For now, I'm off to bed so I can head back to work in seven hours.  Hang in there, amigos.

Thanks for the head's up Ainsley. Do what you need to do, we'll still be here when you're ready. Hope that it gets better for you down there.

I'm still looking to get onto Part-Time at the prison, so I can take another part-time job closer to home. The prison job will thus cover the benefits and bills, while the other job can provide "me money" for myself. But so far, HR's dragging their feet getting back with me.

And we have guards there who have been on the job for 20 or 30 years! How they've lasted that long is beyond me; this job saps your body, mind and soul like some kind of omniphagic vampire. Sure, it's the best-paying job I've ever had, but every day I ask myself "Is the money really worth the price I pay for it?". Not everything in life can be measured with dollar signs, after all.

Clearly the old-timer guards have some special quality that I myself lack. Is it sadism, or a staggering amount of sheer intestinal fortitude, or some sort of persistent disassociative psychological disorder? Hell if I know. I guess I'll just have to endure Ad Seg for as long as I can, at least until I can get transferred to an assignment that's not as antagonistic. Wish me luck on that.

I really do miss my free time. Sure, I get four days off, but by the time I've recovered enough from my set to enjoy my time off, it's time to go back to work again. Like now, in about 40 or 50 minutes. It's just that draining, and it doesn't help that I catch as much grief from the longer-standing guards and the brass as I do from the inmates.

Now more than ever, I really regret not being able to follow through with my college education and become a biologist or a medical scientist, let me tell you.

Anyway, quick post.

Have you considered asking the long term guys how they do it? I can imagine that with this type of job, there is likely a need to 'earn your stripes' because many of the newly trained will likely decide its not for them and leave.

That and have a very resilient spine. I can imagine that the inmates have nothing else to do except mess with the guards, the newest ones especially. Ask and who knows, some may even tell you.

Oh, it's everything about the job. It's hard to pinpoint it down to one or two factors.

On that note, I'm still job-hunting, and some of the jobs ask for character references. Could any of you shoot me a PM with your phone number and street address, and I'll do the same for you with a reply? Maybe I can help you find gainful employment as well.

And with that, I'm off to prison yet again. I should be back in action come Saturday and Sunday. Hang in there, homies.

I am sorry your job search is going poorly.  Not to rub it in, but I finally found work about two weeks ago delivering parts for an auto store.  Hell of a lot better than Target. The people there are all guys and if someone says something that remotely sounds sexual, they don't go running off and tattling to HR and acting like little whiney babies.  

Keep looking you will find something.  I'll keep you in my thoughts.  Till next time.

Thank you, old friend.  

But it seems that I finally reached the limit of my tolerance, because I took a leap of faith and quit my job yesterday.  I turned in all of my prison guard uniforms and ID card, signed all of the necessary separation paperwork, had an exit interview with one of the assistant wardens and exchanged goodbyes and phone numbers with my fellow prison guards (or at least the ones I liked), and that was that.  I'm confident that I'll find a job soon, even if I have to settle for being a rest stop attendant until something better comes along.  But on the bright side, I'm sleeping better already.  

I'm glad that you found a friendlier work environment, too.  My job at the resort was just like you're describing: me constantly having to walk on eggshells for fear that the 18-year-old girls (whom the jerkwad General Manager just loved to hire for some reason) would miscontrue something that I said and get me called on said General Manager's carpet over something stupid yet again.  Life's too short for grief like that.

Anyway, I've spent all morning knocking together two maps for Gustov's intro. I haven't installed Campaign Cartographer in this new desktop yet, so I had to make do with Paint Shop Pro 8; I hope the results are good enough.  Gustov only has a minor thing or two left to do, so we can go ahead and segue him into the campaign.  I've kept you waiting for too long as it is, and I think you'll be pleased with what I've put together for Gustov's prologue chapter.

And here we go.  

Seeing as Tiger has given me a few extra days to work with, I've taken the liberty of firing up my little D&D 3 Character Creator program (along with a few choice applications of Neverwinter Nights) to roll up several heroes and villains which Gustov may wish to consider for his fighting force. Such characters are unique (so Gustov can only have one Hath Kull the Bear-Born), they're expensive and they're hero-level characters (read: Level 13 or equivalent) with matching abilities and equipment. They also may occasionally return later in the campaign, if selected, either as erstwhile allies and benefactors or as recurring enemies to be eventually surmounted. ("Lord-Prince Gustov, I bear word from Lady Meredeth of Nellowswann." "Ah, so Starkad the Swift has returned from peril once more! Come. Tell me of her reply to my proposal....")

But bear in mind that having fewer troops in a fighting force will limit the force's versatility and adaptability, and three-score archers won't take long to reduce a lone hero to a pincushion. So don't go too crazy if you decide to take in any heroes here.

Actually what you are proposing I was going to mention anyway. Its like you could read my mind. Being military minded and all most of the time young officers like Gustov are mentored by a more experienced Sgt of some kind that usually acts as their second in command. This hero thing would be good for Gustov to a have such a person in his force. Maybe a Sgt at Arms or someone else that was a trainer of Gustov. What do you think about creating a hero of some sort like that for Gustov?

I think that you might want to have a look at the big names and heavy hitters that I've rolled up (and to whom I am presently adding the finishing touches in the "Heroes and Villains" section).  

To suit your descriptives here, you might consider taking a closer look at Colonel Marco Mac Braddock, Starkad the Swift, Sir Bryan of the Three Hollows, Red Rycroft of Lunaghaen and Sir Dregan the Blood-Bathed; if he doesn't mind having an Infernal trainer and matron, both Murmorgeirrath and Kadnykess d'Serrad may be worthy choices as well.  Don't feel in any way limited to these choices, however; most any of the listed heroes and villains could be adapted to roles as Gustov's advisors and right hands.  ("Bushengorg?  Lead the charge."  "Uhhhh...them have food over there, Sir?"  "Yes, Bushengorg.  The Karkovans have food.  Mountains of food."  "RARRRRRGH!!!  BUSHENGORG SMASH!!!"  [a half-hour of carnage later]  "...uhhh...Sir?  Karkovans all dead, but hid food very good.  Me not can find it."  "Clearly they have hidden their mountains of food in Karkovagrad, then.  Pair up the men and prepare them for a columned march, Bushengorg.  We now go to raid Karkovagrad.  For food."  "Yus!  For fooooood!!!")

Poopy.  Now I'm getting a "The posted message is too long" error.  Looks like I'll have to split that post into two posts.  Hang on.   

Okay, done.

(And now I'm remembering that time back at our favorite pool table, when for some reason or other I added a baby hill giant to the loot.  I still laugh when I think of GD's bass-pitched, giantish "Waaaaahhhhh".  Excuse me while I laugh that off right now.  Memories, right?    )

Don't mind me.  On a lark, I started Googling around for crypt chanters and pictures of crypt chanters.  I must now admit (almost abashedly) that I have never thumbed through a copy of the original Tomb of Horrors, let alone owned one.  So imagine my bemused surprise to learn that apparently Gary Gygax placed a crypt chanter in Acererak's legendary tomb/not-quite-a-tomb/okay, it's just a very elaborate deathtrap with a demilich-like construct that steals souls for Acererak.  Or something.

And here I was, thinking that crypt chanters were a newly created monster for D&D 3.5.  They certainly weren't in Red Box D&D, and I don't remember seeing them in AD&D either, so I guess they were one of those monsters that was created for some module or other and then forgotten, only to come crawling back from oblivion and return in a later edition of the Monster Manual.  The "proto crypt chanter" in Tomb of Horrors apparently didn't have any sort of ghostly music instrument, so it seems that crypt chanters are not only older than I thought, but they've also evolved over time...pretty much like every other monster in D&D 3 and 3.5, come to think of it.  By the way, enjoy your dragons; they come with auras of Fear and immunity to backstabbing Sneak Attacks now.  

Most amusing among the Google hits was when I found somebody else's (rather farcical) play-by-forum D&D game featuring Tomb of Horrors here, only at the last moment, the DM threw out the crypt chanter and replaced her with the ghosts of Dave Murray from Iron Maiden and...some other metal musician whom I don't recognize.  I bet Tiger recognizes him, though.  Fill me in here, dude.  

(Also, I just realized that I contradicted myself.  No one knows who Merlitha, Dancer of the Hundred Tombs was when she was alive.  Oh, wait...Heward Ainsley does!  Yeah, I should probably go back and fix that.)

So anyway, crypt chanters.  How was your night?  

Good news, sword-swingers! I finally got Filezilla to work, so I'm capable of mass pic uploads via PHP client once more! I wonder if getting this new computer had anything to do with that, to be honest.

The new desktop still doesn't like Gametable, but fortunately, my laptop runs Gametable just fine. So back to the postage I go.

Okay, posties come tomorrow (after I'm done with the day's job-hunting). Give Jazman my apologies for overlooking her for ten days; I guess I've forgotten what posting and updating for Keitha feel like. Don't be a stranger, Jaz!

Oh, wait.  Keitha was wanting to loot the drow elves too, wasn't she?  Let me fix that post right quick....


Okay, done.  Apologies for the slight railroading there; I probably should have let Keitha have the choice of staying at the camp (and maybe smacking that bitchy drow woman over that "water-blooded sow" remark) or following the duergar to the clearing nearby.  But I figured that she might want a slice of that ghoul Experience if a fight broke out.  Besides, I had already put together that map and, by golly, I was going to use it.  

(Also, I tossed in an extra goodie or two.  Sorry to keep you waiting, Jaz.  As you can see, the post was a bit big.   )

I'm glad that I got back into my doodling.  Sketching and drawing always have a way of dragging me out of a moody funk.  I haven't forgotten about Marbol's Magical Chess Set, of course; it's just a little something extra that your characters may or may not want to collect.  The chess set's good for some back-up in a pinch, while the Cold Womb is more about useful information and pretty sketches (well, I like to think that they're pretty...).  After all, figuring how to kill a mohrg while you're sitting in a quiet library and researching your latest literary find is safe.  Figuring out how to kill a mohrg while the damned thing has a hold of you and is trying to suck your face off....not so safe.    

The leafs from the book are randomly determined, whereas the chess pieces are not.  I'm not going to let a 5th-Level character get his hands on the Black Queen, for obvious reasons.  But information's not so game-unbalancing, and there are 70 journal entries from The Cold Womb.  So I haul out a couple of my trusty ten-siders and reroll if the result's 71 or higher.  Maybe your 5th-Level dude will find "The Zombie," maybe he'll find "The One-from-Many."  Who knows?

And there may be something extra in store for anyone who reassembles a copy of The Cold Womb, just as there may be something special for anyone who completes Marbol's Magical Chess Set.  We'll just have to wait and see, eh?  

Well, that little randomized Tarot-ish picking turned out pretty well...and wholly appropriate, I would add.  That should provide an insight or two into whatever could go down in Bardosylvania.  There's still room for uncertainty and vagueness, of course.  Like that Death Tomb card.  There's no mention if death will befall Yorgo once he reaches Bardosylvania, or if death will befall him before that, or if someone else will die in Bardosylvania after he arrives, or if death has already happened in Bardosylvania by the time he gets there.  What do you suppose it means?  

I had to fudge a bit with my little paraphrasing system, though; that last card would have been named the Iron Throne otherwise.  And since we're all Game of Thrones fans here, I simply couldn't have thrown that out without looking like a cheap bastard, could I?  

The House of Ainsley wrote:

Most amusing among the Google hits was when I found somebody else's (rather farcical) play-by-forum D&D game featuring Tomb of Horrors here, only at the last moment, the DM threw out the crypt chanter and replaced her with the ghosts of Dave Murray from Iron Maiden and...some other metal musician whom I don't recognize.  I bet Tiger recognizes him, though.  Fill me in here, dude.  

The first one is James Hetfield, lead singer/guitarist for Metallica.