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 Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed to Do

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The House of Ainsley
Keeper of the Dark Mirror
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Male Number of posts : 1999
Age : 45
Location : The Dark Heart of Bardosylvania

PostSubject: Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed to Do   Thu Mar 03, 2011 9:58 pm

1,925 Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed To Do!

And the version broken up and categorized according to TV Tropes' fifty-billion stupid little categories: Razz

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ThingsMrWelchIsNoLongerAllowedToDoInAnRPG


Some of my faves:

3. There is no gnomish god of heavy artillery.
5. Not allowed to blow all my skill points on 1-point Profession skills.
9. My monk's lips must be in sync.
15. Plan B is not automatically twice as much gunpowder as Plan A.
17. Collateral Damage Man is not an appropriate name for a super hero.
18. When surrendering, I am to hand the sword over hiltfirst.
38. When investigating evil cultists, not allowed to just torch the decrepit mansion from the outside.
51. No longer allowed to use the time machine for booty calls.
55. Before facing the dragon, not allowed to glaze the elf.
73. Not allowed to name my cudgel Ceremonial Whoopass Stick.
106. I do not have weapon proficiency in cats.
171. My character's dying words are not allowed to be "Hastur, Hastur, Hastur."
199. My third wish cannot be "I wish you wouldn't grant this wish."
211. If at any point if my dwarf takes on the mannerisms of Macho Man Randy Savage, he dies.
217. If the weapon is capable of staking vampires hiding behind engine blocks, I can't have it.
218. No matter what my Alignment, organizing halfling pit fights is a violation.
299. I do not get any XP for anyone I kill by stampeding sheep.
366. Female minotaurs do not have udders. This issue is closed.
431. We will not implement any battle plan that includes the underlined words "And hope they miss a lot."
443. Zombies are not infectious in D&D. So I should stop shooting PCs in the head if they are bitten.
446. Ninjas are not ablative.
502. If my name isn't Grimlock, can't start every sentence with "Me Grimlock".
506. Mjy Vjikjing Skjald wjill njot tjake ljibjertjies wjith thje rjunjic ajlphjabjet.
510. After a bloody battle, I will not celebrate by lying down and making carnage angels.
516. Not allowed to name my characters Grimlock.
566. When confronted with a haunted house with bleeding walls, no converting it into a self-supporting blood bank.
598. Any adventure that ends up with my character being worshiped as an orc god was just a dream. Retroactively if need be.
653. Cannot wish for the party to have common sense. Even the Wish spell has its limits.
688. Even if the rules allow it, my paladin cannot have the flaw Hatred: All living things.
748. Holding a pillow over a sleeping person's face is not a gnomish expression of affection.
786. No, I cannot keep the drow priestess we just found as a pet.
808. Covering fire does not include nuclear weapons.
842. When handed Dieties and Demigods and told to pick a god for my druid, I will skip right by the Cthulhu Mythos.
1033. Holding the hand crossbow 'gangsta style' does not add to my Intimidate check.
1059. Even if the villain is Lawful Evil, slapping a cease and desist order on him isn't going to work.
1131. Summoning a Water Elemental right above the Fire Elemental doesn't work.
1215. If I'm just a few XP from 16th level, I can't just cast fireballs at random forests until I hit something. *
1257. No, the answer to the problem is not to make a gatling gun out of bazookas.
1272. My paladin can be charged with sexual harassment if he doesn't watch exactly where he lays on hands.
1317. My character will refrain from appearing with Hitler in any history books. Especially if I'm chasing him with a wheat thresher.
1328. The very concept of a Hutt lap dancer will earn me a Dark Side point.
1366. I will not use the Mass Suggestion spell to make all the elf babes make out.
1372. Even if the rules allow it, I cannot have a monofilament sledgehammer.
1410. Bleaching the drow won't help.
1427. It is not a race to 0 SAN. **
1459. Even if the game is set in 1912, the female characters get a vote on the party's action.
1493. No Metamagic Feat lets me add fragmentation to my spells.
1511. No using the time machine to set the "Star Spangled Banner" to anything by White Zombie.
1537. My Rogue Trader does not need to announce his arrival with eight hours of orbital bombardment.
1587. There is no way the Iteration X mage is going to make it through airport security. ***
1658. The words "Rock Opera" will not appear in any of my wishes.
1662. No starting a mosh pit in a leper colony.
1680. The point of the Improvised Weapon Skill is not to see how many different things I can kill people with.
1914. Can't abuse the boggan's weakness to get free babysitting. ****


* Yeah, GD and I remember when that old Red Box rule and an Experience-heavy adventure left Willard Montbane's entire party (and Willard himself) 1 XP short of gaining another level. So GD immediately wanted to kill the party's mule. I forbid it, of course, but looking back now I probably would have allowed it, just to force the party to carry all 500 pounds of their own crap back to town. Imagine how many random encounters would hit them when they're only covering 10 miles a day, huh? But we know that GD would just say "Cool, that's just more XP for us" and start grinning like the Cheshire Cat again.... Laughing

** You'd have to be at least passingly familiar with Call of Cthulhu to get this joke. So...get it? alien

*** You'd have to be a Mage: The Ascension player to get this one. And I do. Razz

**** ...and you'd have to be a Changeling: The Dreaming player to get this one. The "weakness" is called a Frailty, by the way. Wink


...ah, hell. They're all good.

Now you try! Smile
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The House of Ainsley
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Male Number of posts : 1999
Age : 45
Location : The Dark Heart of Bardosylvania

PostSubject: Re: Things Mr. Welch Is Not Allowed to Do   Sat Mar 05, 2011 9:25 am

Oops. Fixed the link. My bad. Embarassed
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