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 The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!

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So which of these cartoon intros really puts chest hair on your eyeballs?
Conan the Adventurer
20%
 20% [ 1 ]
G.I. Joe
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
He-Man and the Masters of the Universe
40%
 40% [ 2 ]
Iron Man (1996 series)
20%
 20% [ 1 ]
Korgoth of Barbaria
20%
 20% [ 1 ]
Metalocalypse
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Rambo
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
(Write-In Candidate #1)
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
(Write-In Candidate #2)
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
(Write-In Candidate #3)
0%
 0% [ 0 ]
Total Votes : 5
 

AuthorMessage
The House of Ainsley
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PostSubject: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Sat Jan 08, 2011 8:59 am

It's your call, your judgement, your intense analysis and evaluation. Which is the most testosterone-fueled cartoon intro in the entire history of the universe? Stand and be counted!

(Multiple choice is on, vote cancelling is off. If there's a write-in slot open, post a video of the intro to claim it. But be reasonable; no submissions for Jem, Rainbow Brite or Strawberry Shortcake, please. Those will get their say in the next poll. Razz )


Conan the Adventurer


G.I. Joe (and its various intros over however-many-seasons)

(Most of what few Australian characters appeared in the G.I. Joe series were villains, and we of the USA intended no negative inferences by that. You blokes and sheilas Down Under still love us, right? Very Happy )

He-Man and the Masters of the Universe


Iron Man (1996 series)


Korgoth of Barbaria

(It was only one episode, sure. But it was one hell of an episode. Twisted Evil )

Metalocalypse


Rambo


(Your submission could appear here!)

(Your submission could appear here!)

(Your submission could appear here!)


Vote and discuss now! Cool
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The House of Ainsley
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Sat Jan 08, 2011 9:20 pm

Hey. You.

Yeah, you. The two He-Man lovers.

Speak up! Razz


(Also, the funniest thing: out of the blue, Adult Swim reran the pilot for Korgoth of Barbaria at 5:30 AM this morning, not even half a day after I started this topic. Coincidence? Yep! Very Happy )
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Taljor
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Sun Jan 09, 2011 7:08 pm

Speak up? I thought it was just a vote. He-Man has the best intro of these choices.

I don't know how to post a link to a show, but The Herculons (I believe is the cartoon) should be included.
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S.E.A.M.U.S
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Sun Jan 09, 2011 10:26 pm

herculoids?

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Taljor
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Mon Jan 10, 2011 12:48 am

I may have the name wrong, but it the family of barbarians with a pet monster for every member of the family. I will do a search and see if i can find it.
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The House of Ainsley
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Wed Jan 12, 2011 9:23 pm

Yeah, that sounds like the Herculoids to me too. I never got into that cartoon. I mean, the six-legged rhinocerus-monoceratops thing that shot the fireball stone things out of its horn was just too goofy for my tastes. Even the blob guys were cool by comparison. What was up with that freak of nature, anyway? Razz

Of course, Thundarr the Barbarian and his trio beat the patootie out of the Herculoids (as well as every other Hanna-Barbera cartoon from the 60's to the 80's, with the possible exceptions of The Flintstones and all of the pre-Scrappy and pre-celebrity-guest-star Scooby Doo episodes) any day. That sorceress babe of his, Ariel or whatever her name was...she was pretty cool. And Ookla was pretty much a weird-faced Wookiee thing, so you know he kicked ass. Yeah, out of all the cartoons of the 60's and 70's, Thundarr the Barbarian was the only one that could help me forget that tripe like Hong Kong Phooey and Help! It's the Hair Bear Bunch! ever existed. Razz

Anyway, I guess I had to cast my votes.

1) Real men aren't afraid to bang swords (or other good-sized metal objects) together, rescue hot women from giant spiders, punch skeletons right in their skinless faces, build mountains of bones from the flayed remains of their fallen enemies and throw guys off of ships--all to the cadence of a rockin'-out theme song whose lyrics could be summed up as "Conan could beat every last one of us to death with his pumpkin-sized scrotum if he wanted to"--so Conan the Adventurer gets my vote. He lost half a point for that sparkling little phoenix (who used to annoy the green bile out of me in the show itself, by the way), but it's nothing too damaging.

2) Real men aren't afraid to tear off their shirts and start beating huge chunks of metal with slightly smaller chunks of metal over and over, nor are they afraid to sling molten metal all over the place. So Iron Man gets my vote too. Really, the name "Iron Man" alone just oozes with masculinity. Bonus point for Tony Stark sporting a mullet, which is the emperor of all manly men's haircuts. Cool

3) Real men aren't afraid to hack open the skulls of monstrous humanoids and drench themselves with the blood of their enemies, nor are they afraid to kill harmless forest animals with their teeth just to make it sporting (while scoring bonus "savage wildman" points). So I had to give Korgoth of Barbaria a vote too. It's hard to believe that Korgoth's animators are the same guys who cursed all civilization with Spongebob Squarepants, isn't it? We're looking at some diabolical minds at work here.

4) I probably should have clicked for Metalocalypse too, because death metal's pretty burly stuff. So is gunning a motorcycle up to top speed, then hurding off of it mid-transit and landing on a big chunk of mountainside. Dethklok probably killed that entire forest just by yelling at it, too. If I was a woman, I'd be trolling bars and date sites for guys like Nathan Explosion. But I'm not, so he gets bucked down to the role of drinking buddy. And apparently he can pack down the booze like a pro, too. Cool

Anyway, the rest didn't make the cut in my book.

He-Man lost too many points for that metrosexual Prince Adam garb and for that chickenbutt Cringer; is it any wonder I was always rooting for Skeletor when I was a kid watching these shows?

G. I. Joe got some points for punching a few Cobra guys in the face, only to turn right around and lose those points for shooting fruity-sounding laser rifles and not hitting much of anything. Besides, they're fighting Cobra, and fighting Cobra is only marginally more difficult than fighting the United States Postal Service with RuPaul as the Postmaster General. You can't really call yourself a man if Cobra Friggin' Commander is giving you an earnest run for your money every week. Steve Irwin would have fed that squeaky-voiced, hood-wearing, cowardly girly-man to a polar bear--feetfirst--long before the First Season was over...which is probably why there was never a "Steve Irwin: Insane Destroyer of Terrorists" cartoon series.

And even though Rambo makes the humble task of tying your boots look epic, and he gets plenty of points for showing off his muscles, sliding under flamethrower plumes and driving various vehicles like a friggin' maniac, I just can't get over the fact that 1) his face looks dumber than a barrel of scabs, 2) he has two complete non-combatants backing him up (which really cuts down his "one man army" image) and 3) remember the dark and gritty Rambo from the movies? The guy who had this constant "I'm so sick of all the damned world" glare in his eyes? That Rambo was quite the bad-ass. It wasn't his job to save the world; on the contrary, the reason why Rambo was such a bad-ass is because the entire world took turns dumping on him and turning its back on him, so he had a Berserk Button the size of Chicago. And if you push that button...sucks to be you.

And the cartoon Rambo really wasn't all that much like the movie Rambo. The movie Rambo was perfection. And you can't chisel away at perfection and expect perfection; the more you chisel at it, the more lameness and suckitude you inflict on it.

But yeah, at least the boy can tie his boots and make it look cool. Cool

Anyway, I now return the floor to you guys so you can say "I agree" or "I disagree" or "Why don't you go take a flying leap into an elephant's colon because He-Man's intro does not make him look like a queen, Ainsley". Back to you. Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:59 pm

when i see the he man intyro i always see that xcreepy video of disco prince adam.

i should be more active here now... cohguru has been overrun by dog porn spammers and offshore bank account scam posts and the mods can't seem to come up with a way to stop it. (aside from banning and deleting posts, but when over 100 posts a day are made by different spammers the mods can't keep up)


also Conan loses points for not being Kull of Atlantis, as he was the one who fought off the serpent men. (also losing points from conan because his family was killed when he was a child and he was taken as a slave so the curse of living stone would have been an improvement)
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The House of Ainsley
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Thu Jan 13, 2011 8:52 am

Dog porn? Am I reading that right? o.O

So do you think CoHGuru's in any danger of pulling the plug or cleaning house wholesale? I should probably copy-paste the last of the old HoA stuff from there to here, just in case. Spambots just can't help but ruin everything.... Evil or Very Mad

And what about the storyline that Conan the Cimmerian may be the reincarnation of King Kull? That might help explain why it was Conan's destiny to eventually become the king of Aquilonia (as seen in Age of Conan, which reminds me that I never did post those AoC screenshots here...).

Also, the Arnold movie had Conan butting heads with Thulsa Doom, who was also adversary to King Kull and not to Conan. But that detail didn't stop Conan from being a hardcore he-man, did it? Razz

But yeah, his family got petrified instead of butchered. I guess it helped make the cartoon more kid-friendly. Maybe children and teens have less trouble accepting a hope-driven quest than a vengeance-driven quest. I don't know. I'm not a network executive who knows what's best for me and every other TV viewer on the planet. Razz
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Thu Jan 13, 2011 7:30 pm

yes, you are reading that right. girl on dog action... being posted in the anti-spammer complaint thread.

I never got past book two of the conan series so i was a bit miffed that they made Belit into a valkyrie instead of a pirate queen
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Taljor
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:24 pm

Quote :
So do you think CoHGuru's in any danger of pulling the plug or cleaning house wholesale? I should probably copy-paste the last of the old HoA stuff from there to here, just in case. Spambots just can't help but ruin everything....

Would be a very good idea for any of our writers that want to ensure thier work(s) aren't lost. Takes just one spammer with malintent to plant a virus and then everything is lost.

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The House of Ainsley
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Fri Feb 04, 2011 12:27 am

I hope to finish that prologue up this weekend. If there's more I've left behind on CoHGuru, I need to find it and bring it over here as soon as I can.

Also, Adult Swim aired the Rehabklok episode last night!

Australia: Land of Danger. And that's just from all the sentient drum machines. Laughing

I love those episodes where Pickles the Drummer sings.

Anyway, I need to finish up Karnoz's post and reconstruct my frost giants post so I can get on with the rest. But I'm still in the middle of weatherproofing our leaky old attic. We'll see how soon I can wrap that up so I might actually have some warm air to breathe when I'm trying to sleep. Stay tuned.
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PostSubject: Re: The Manliest Cartoon Intro Ever!   Sat Feb 05, 2011 9:30 am

Oh, cool. The Adult Swim has the full Rehabklok episode on their site for a limited time, along with Fatherklok, Dethzazz, Dethsiduals and Murdering Outside the Box.

I really like how they put so much music into each episode, including the numbers which have nothing to do with the band as a whole. Some of my favorite "filler" tunes happen to be in Rehabklok and Fatherklok, coincidentally enough. Very Happy



I swear, that "Way to be Saved / Pickles vs. Rehab" song reminds me so much of Tenacious D's sound for some reason. And whoever cut that video for "I'm No Man" sucks because the video cuts off abruptly and well before that massive guitar solo at the end. Bother. Rolling Eyes

Speaking of which, I need to get back to the Metal Tune of the Week topic. But for now, I'm off to work. Cheers!
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